it’s almost worth the breakdown for the like 4 following euphoric days that follow every single time, i’m doin’ so good tonight.
livin in hopes of attaining empty love and halfhearted dreams
what is there to keep me going
you always talk in circles.
i’m still on the bottom.
it’s hard for me to keep up with everything.
everything conflicts, you know that.
everything is heads butting and horns locking.
it’s easy to lose myself in the warmth of what’s familiar.
not in a way that’s good, in a way that’s utterly empty.
disenchanted and bored.
i feel like i’m trying really, really hard to hold onto the bonds that i have with them, but they’re starting to ghost.
i’m nostalgic for memories I’ve made up.
I’m nostalgic for the coolness of mid april
for newness and hopefulness
for your voice on the other end of a big yellow sunset & the revelation of new life in it’s light.
the taste of a sour plum, exhaustion, lace, and new love.
(that’s when this is from i think.)
everything’s working out really strangely.
everything is very slow and traveling very low to the ground.
i don’t know if that makes sense, but everything seems much larger than i am but like it’s gentle and trying to keep up to speed with me. everything is letting me be as wrong as i want, except for one thing, and that’s the thing that makes me most sad…
everything is working but it’s all in vain, because nothing is working right.
it’s hard to want to go out and take photos with people anymore because i’ve accepted that i’m not very good at it…
but i miss goin’ on the walks so much.
i can’t wait for spring, i can’t wait for the loss that it’ll bring and for the warmth that will follow.